Life, Death and the Only One: The exclusive club you didn’t choose but chose you

April 12, 2022

Let’s put a negative stereotype to rest right now.

“Only children are spoiled.”

Perhaps there are some who are indeed the embodiment of spoiled — entitled, selfish and arrogant.

But I would argue that as an only child, there are many advantages as well challenges that come with being the only one.

You’re it….literally.

The one and only.

While the assumption is, ‘wow you must have been lonely growing up,’ ask most only children they would give you a different answer.

It’s one of the best things being an only — you learn fast to be independent and self sufficient across so many parts of your life.

You can be alone but not lonely. But don’t get us wrong, while we’re perfectly fine alone, invite us along!

With no siblings around, your friends become your closest family within your age group, because if you weren’t hanging out with them, you were hanging out with adults and older folks.

You learn to entertain yourself through acquiring knowledge from books, playing games and other creative pursuits.

Growing up, I didn’t necessarily long for a sibling — I was too busy getting lost in my thoughts through the books I read or thinking about the series I just finished watching.

If I had a sibling, I would certainly be a different person in ways I cannot imagine nor even want to speculate.

However, now as an adult, having a sibling is something I think about now and then since my family is of that age and time becomes precious with each passing minute.

The aspect that doesn’t get discussed enough in the only child lived experience is taking care of your parents and family when you get to that phase of the journey.

We all at some point face this but for only children, it carries another layer.

On the Brink of Life and Death

No one wants to talk about it but it will happen to everyone — passing on.

It’s been a week dealing with this situation with my family. We’re taking things day by day.

It’s a cultural taboo talking about such things, for fear you are wanting your loved ones to pass on when you broach the topic, when in reality, it’s the responsible thing to do.

How will your relatives know your last wishes if you don’t talk about it?

These uncomfortable conversations finally take place when something happens — a heart attack, stroke or some other health crisis or accident that brings you in contact with the line of death and life.

It’s stressful for everyone involved.

For the only child, the situation carries even more weight.

When you don’t have a sibling to help share the responsibility, you’re literally it.

Only children know this from a young age, which is why most of us are very close to our parents and family.

These are the cards you were dealt and you mentally prepare for it all your life.

But no matter how much you prepare, it’s a different story when you are in it.

It’s the blood debt that’s always on our minds.

But you’re not alone.

I see you.

You’re not the only one who is going through this or will be soon.

You may not have a sibling to lean on, but you have other family both in blood and chosen who are there for you.

If not, you have other only children you can turn to who would understand more than anyone what it’s like and what you need to do.

You have a support system.

We’re not spoiled in the selfish stereotypical sense but spoiled in our network of support.

We got you.

Resources for end of life planning and caregiving:

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/grief-loss-end-of-life/

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2020/end-of-life-talk-care-talk.html